Facing Sunsets

Today I had an epiphany.  Getting old sucks. 

Now, I don't think of myself as old.  I mean, sure its questionable to appreciate the fit of a college baseball player's uniform at 33, but I can still wear cute mildly offensive t's as long as they are fabulously retro.

Lawrence had a fortune cookie that said "old will always be 20 years older than you are", but what happens when you near retirement and the whippersnappers move into management and don't appreciate your extensive personal relationships with the clients or your tried and true methods.  How are you supposed to feel when 'new blood' is brought in to make things run more efficiently and you are passed over for promotions by younger, more tech savvy applicants?  What do you do when your years of experience are now the anchor around your neck and 'close to retirement' is a bad thing?

You bitch, moan and bad mouth everyone younger than you in the organization as being shortsided and bound to cripple and destroy the place you sacrificed your life to build.  Then you get your equally experienced friends to bitch, moan, and badmouth with you and sigh loudly to anyone in a 20 foot radius about how the system is mistreating you and making a big mistake.  Or, at least that's what they do at my office.

I hope that when it is my time to step away from the workplace, even if I love my job and can't imagine who I am or what I'll do without it, I will have the grace to proficiently train the replacement they hired at double my salary and walk away without letting it become a 'bad situation'.  Please don't let me call people into my office (or even worse, invade theirs!) to discuss why I feel betrayed and how I am going to get my papers together and leave, the hell with the new person.

Just as I hope someone will have the courtesy and love to shoot me dead if I ever top 250 lbs, you have permission to haul me out of the office and handcuff me to an RV bound for Pheonix if I ever get all 'poor me, these young kids don't know what their doing' when the world has clearly passed me by.

Testosterone meets trees

Last weekend we went camping, finally!  Summer was passing us by and every weekend had some pressing matter that prevented us from loading the truck and heading out.

Friday night we finally made it to our special spot out near Lava Lake and found our beloved campsite trashed.  :(  Someone had built a giant bonfire-style ring in the center of the site, as well as a deep fire pit where we usually put the tent.  We found a new, less level, spot for the tent and pressed on.  The site had so much glass and trash, but we cleaned up a bit and it was manageable.  Saturday we dismantled the bonfire ring.

But the most memorable part of camping wasn't the cleanup, or the sight-seeing to the local hatchery or catching a young buck wading across the river.  It was playing medic.

Last year Lawrence got a BB gun for his birthday (obviously not from me) and he has really come into his own with it.  He can hit cans and load and prime it all on his own now.  So instead of playing UNO and reading books and generally breathing in the quiet beauty...I dashed around the site moving enemy cans closer and collecting our 'wounded'.  I sat around sharing war stories and helped reload when time was of the essence.

I'm thinking I need to get myself a girl if I want to go on hikes to collect ferns or identify trees and flowers.  My boys are very manly and enjoy flaunting their chests and talking about the best foods to eat if you need really stinky farts as a weapon...

Glimpse of what could be

Today at karate I did not multi-task.  I did not play sodoku on my phone, or pay bills, or clean the car.  I sat and watched my boy do spinning side kicks.

After karate we went to the public library for a lego building event.  I got down on the floor and helped build a tower complete with hidden treasure, a wall and a house to form the perfect kingdom.

Riding home both Lawrence and I dove into books, leaving Mike to drive and try (unsuccessfully) to distract us.

For 3 hours I imagined that all I had to do in the world was be a parent.  Now he is in the bath and the house is quiet except for the splashes and occasional sound effects.  As reality sets in (the car does need to be cleaned, the bills do need to be paid, along with 20 other household tasks) I wish I didn't have to work 8-10 hours a day, so there could be more evenings like tonight.  Tomorrow will be twice as hard to catch up, but it was worth it.

A day of nothing

Ever take a day off work with great big plans to accomplish great big things, complete projects and generally press the 'reset' button on a life out of control?  I do.  Even though it never helps, and the projects never get done, and I usually end up sitting in the hammock under a tree reading trashy romance novels and drinking 'iced tea'.....

Today's big plan was to clean and redecorate Lawrence's room.  He had a couple overnights and then a birthday and then boxes of goodies from both grandmothers.  All sorts of new stuff with no designated 'place', which means it is piled in the center of the room like some evil junk-monster,just waiting to trip, scratch, and generally annoy.  As the pile got bigger, Lawrence stopped doing much in his room, and as of last night was limited to a small lego structure right in front of the door. 

When I suggested he clean his room he got all teary and overwhelmed/panicy sounding, so da-da-ta-da Mom to the rescue!  I was going to sort books and toys and clothes and hang shelves and set up a computer and...and...and...where's the damn vodka?

I put a dent in it, but its definitely an unfinished project.  Realistically, when 2 full (grown-up size) bookcases of books and 10's of thousands of legos (not kidding) are involved, one day was probably not realistic.  Especially not one beautiful day with just the perfect breeze....

trashy romance here I come, the day isn't over yet!