A rough day

I am maybe a crappy parent.  At the very least I am suffering from crappy-parent-itis at the moment.

I spent most of today sitting on the couch wondering what on earth I was thinking having another child.  Thinking and researching infant eye-tracking, hereditary strabismus and local specialists in infant vision therapies.  Mike has voiced his concern that our little guy's eyes are super independent and I am crazy anxious for the 4 month mark when we can have him tested.  I just don't want him to go through what I have gone through with surgeries and glasses, but to Mike it represents more.  No depth perception - no baseball, more challenges hunting and who knows what else that I didn't hear him talk to Ell about.  I know infants can have crazy eyes, so I should just relax and wait.  Curse the internet.

Now I've spent the evening trying to convince my older boy to sleep.  We are trying to get back on a school routine and failing spectacularly.  He is fixated on that Aaron Burr "Got Milk" commercial.  He finds it the saddest commercial ever.  Thinking about it makes him cry.  And for some reason at night when it's time to sleep, alone, in his own bed, he lays there awake for hours crying and when I ask him what is wrong it is just "thinking about sad things, like that peanut butter commercial."

I've tried explaining that it was meant to be funny.  More tears for that poor, poor man.  The fact that he is an actor in a commercial...irrelevant. http://www.spike.com/video-clips/esr7ah/got-milk-commercial-aaron-burr 

Maybe I just have crappy genes.  I love my kids but I wonder about raising children in a society that may see them as less than perfect.  I want to just keep everyone home together forever, including me.  People in general suck.

Commercial I hate to like

Have you seen the Axe commercial where the main character is a shaggy haircut with feet?  He goes to work  and sees another character, which is just an ample (and cleavage-revealing) chest with feet.  At the end a man with shaggy hair is standing across from a woman with a nice chest and the tagline is "Hair, it's what women see first" or something like that.  Which implies that men notice....breasts, of course.  

It's an awful commercial.  Really.  I say "how awful" everytime it comes on to point out that it is demeaning to both men and women, superficial, blah blah blah.

But I am smiling on the inside.

Rare moment of insight

Today Mike looked at me and asked:

"During that date at the Italian restaurant, would you ever have thought today we'd have him"  (pointing at Ellsworth)

Our first date was awful, I didn't even think he liked me.  Now, seven years later, we are some kind of freaky success story for americansingles.com.

He's laying on the floor now with Ell on a blanket next to him.  This morning he brought Ell out to the living room and hung out on the couch for a few hours so I could sleep.

Thank goodness he asked for a second date!

A note to my older self

Just a note of some things to avoid doing when visiting my children as grown adults to avoid making them wanting me the hell out of their house never ever to return:

-do not pout.  Not if you wanted to feed the baby first and the privilege was given to big brother.  Not if the couple asks to go out to lunch without you.  Not if your child ignores your housekeeping/gardening/childrearing/living suggestions.  Not if it becomes clear that you have pissed off your child's spouse and the atmosphere is now tense.

-do not clean your child's bedroom while they are out.  In fact, don't even go in their bedroom. They are a grown ass adult and their bedroom is their personal space.  You making their bed and straightening up is just creepy.  Plus, then when something can't be found no matter how much they re-organize your organization, they will be pissed off at you.

-do not hover.  This includes reading e-mail over their shoulder, opening mail, following them outside when they take a cellphone call so you can ask who it was and standing behind them while they do chores like cooking, fixing something or changing the baby.  

-do not make more work for your child by insisting on doing chores you can't really do. Whether it's due to muscle strength, physical stature, excessive manicures or whatever, if your child has to re-do things they will eventually get pissed off.  No one likes rewashing dishes.

-do not assume your child wants you to touch them.  Was your child a big hugger as a teenager?  Are they a hugger now?  If you don't know, look for cues.  If they didn't even hug you at the airport, they might not be "touchy-feely".  This means they do not want an impromptu back massage or for you to spontaneously decide that some foot pressure points will cure what ails them.  If they jerk away from your hands, tense up or make comments like "please don't touch me", get a clue.

-do not answer the telephone.  It is not your home.  If a friend or family member of your child who you DO NOT KNOW calls and asks to talk to you,  make it brief.  Having a 2 hour conversation where you dissect your child's entire life is not okay.  Seriously, if they wanted you to know each other, they would have introduced you.  If you do feel compelled to have a conversation to 'get to know' each other, talking about your children's background, life choices and current opinion is not okay.  If your child wanted to share their fucked up childhood, which you have blissfully glossed over, with their in-laws, they would already have done so.  

-do not assume that you are your child's friend just because they call once a week and invite you for a visit.  You probably just did a damn good job of instilling guilt when they were younger.

Final note to self:  Before planning a visit, get to know your child.  If they have a strong sense of personal space or need for privacy, get a hotel.  In fact, get a hotel anyway.  You can always cancel the rest of your reservation if they really want you to stay at their house.