the piles are closing in!

I officially give up.

I cannot work fulltime and go to grad school fulltime and parent fulltime and maintain the house fulltime.  Turns out there is only one of me.  Instead of doing anything well, I am doing everything poorly.

Not sure how, but something has to change.

Maybe I can take ritalin.

You can't always get what you want

I am in a funk.  Officially.

I had this beautiful vision of me staying at home, at least part-time.  Of homeschooling Lawrence through the tumultuous middle school years and getting to enjoy watching my baby grow up day-by-day.  I knew it would be hard.  Pennies would be pinched.  Sacrifices would be made.  Tears would be shed and everyday wouldn't be the idyllic perfectly executed science lesson for Lawrence while Ell played gleefully on a blanket in the grass.  Hell, we might never have seen a day like that.  Even though I knew it wouldn't be easy, I was excited.

But now I am back to working, fulltime.  Ell is in daycare, fulltime. And Lawrence is discovering day-by-day that he is a little bit different from the other kids and in anguish about being/doing/looking "wrong" even if he can't articulate what he thinks 'right' would be.  He is stressed about grades and generally overwhelmed with how to organize a locker, a binder, a life.

Bah.

Plus, I have all kinds of unexpressed anger at my husband.  Why did he feel the need to talk up middle school and talk down homeschool?  Why am I expected to be able to study while watching the baby, but he can't?  Why is my money bill money and his money fun money (granted, fun for the whole family)?  Why should I drop everything to help him finish an assignment that requires a partner, but I have to nag him everyday for a week and then stand over him to get help with mine?  Why why why am I so annoyed with all these stupid things to the point that I have to think hard to remember that he occasionally cooks and cleans, brings me flowers, is always great with the boys, and came to rescue me when the SUV got a flat (I couldn't find the spare - turns out it is UNDER the vehicle, as if  was looking there.)  He is a good guy, I know because I've been with some bad ones.  I don't think any of it is intentional, and I was bitchy enough through the last bits of my hormonal pregnancy, that I feel likeI just need to 'get over it' and go with the flow now.  But I can't and so I sit, depressed and guilty and no good to anyone including myself.

another Friday

another post from me.

news this week - I can wear my rings, I've had them on for 48 straight hours and still have feeling in my finger, so I'm calling the swelling licked.

Other than that life is just kindof blurry.  Mike's been letting me sleep a lot so that's good.

Check lists

If it weren't for checklists, I would never get out of bed these days.  "Weekly blog 5 days overdue" flashing on my screen is the only reason I am typing right now.  Can't let down the checklist.

I think I need to add basic functions like shower, drink water, and wash nursing bra onto my checklist.  The days just stretch out and I can't concentrate on how to fill them without the lists.

I can feel my fingers

For the last 4 or 5 months my fingertips,and sometimes my whole hands, have been numb.  Very annoying.    It's been getting steadily better Ell was born.

Today, I was able to put on my wedding ring for the very first time, and it is even more beautiful than it looked in the box. 

So, I've recovered discernable ankles and feeling in my fingers, now on to look for my waist.

A rough day

I am maybe a crappy parent.  At the very least I am suffering from crappy-parent-itis at the moment.

I spent most of today sitting on the couch wondering what on earth I was thinking having another child.  Thinking and researching infant eye-tracking, hereditary strabismus and local specialists in infant vision therapies.  Mike has voiced his concern that our little guy's eyes are super independent and I am crazy anxious for the 4 month mark when we can have him tested.  I just don't want him to go through what I have gone through with surgeries and glasses, but to Mike it represents more.  No depth perception - no baseball, more challenges hunting and who knows what else that I didn't hear him talk to Ell about.  I know infants can have crazy eyes, so I should just relax and wait.  Curse the internet.

Now I've spent the evening trying to convince my older boy to sleep.  We are trying to get back on a school routine and failing spectacularly.  He is fixated on that Aaron Burr "Got Milk" commercial.  He finds it the saddest commercial ever.  Thinking about it makes him cry.  And for some reason at night when it's time to sleep, alone, in his own bed, he lays there awake for hours crying and when I ask him what is wrong it is just "thinking about sad things, like that peanut butter commercial."

I've tried explaining that it was meant to be funny.  More tears for that poor, poor man.  The fact that he is an actor in a commercial...irrelevant. http://www.spike.com/video-clips/esr7ah/got-milk-commercial-aaron-burr 

Maybe I just have crappy genes.  I love my kids but I wonder about raising children in a society that may see them as less than perfect.  I want to just keep everyone home together forever, including me.  People in general suck.

Commercial I hate to like

Have you seen the Axe commercial where the main character is a shaggy haircut with feet?  He goes to work  and sees another character, which is just an ample (and cleavage-revealing) chest with feet.  At the end a man with shaggy hair is standing across from a woman with a nice chest and the tagline is "Hair, it's what women see first" or something like that.  Which implies that men notice....breasts, of course.  

It's an awful commercial.  Really.  I say "how awful" everytime it comes on to point out that it is demeaning to both men and women, superficial, blah blah blah.

But I am smiling on the inside.

Rare moment of insight

Today Mike looked at me and asked:

"During that date at the Italian restaurant, would you ever have thought today we'd have him"  (pointing at Ellsworth)

Our first date was awful, I didn't even think he liked me.  Now, seven years later, we are some kind of freaky success story for americansingles.com.

He's laying on the floor now with Ell on a blanket next to him.  This morning he brought Ell out to the living room and hung out on the couch for a few hours so I could sleep.

Thank goodness he asked for a second date!

A note to my older self

Just a note of some things to avoid doing when visiting my children as grown adults to avoid making them wanting me the hell out of their house never ever to return:

-do not pout.  Not if you wanted to feed the baby first and the privilege was given to big brother.  Not if the couple asks to go out to lunch without you.  Not if your child ignores your housekeeping/gardening/childrearing/living suggestions.  Not if it becomes clear that you have pissed off your child's spouse and the atmosphere is now tense.

-do not clean your child's bedroom while they are out.  In fact, don't even go in their bedroom. They are a grown ass adult and their bedroom is their personal space.  You making their bed and straightening up is just creepy.  Plus, then when something can't be found no matter how much they re-organize your organization, they will be pissed off at you.

-do not hover.  This includes reading e-mail over their shoulder, opening mail, following them outside when they take a cellphone call so you can ask who it was and standing behind them while they do chores like cooking, fixing something or changing the baby.  

-do not make more work for your child by insisting on doing chores you can't really do. Whether it's due to muscle strength, physical stature, excessive manicures or whatever, if your child has to re-do things they will eventually get pissed off.  No one likes rewashing dishes.

-do not assume your child wants you to touch them.  Was your child a big hugger as a teenager?  Are they a hugger now?  If you don't know, look for cues.  If they didn't even hug you at the airport, they might not be "touchy-feely".  This means they do not want an impromptu back massage or for you to spontaneously decide that some foot pressure points will cure what ails them.  If they jerk away from your hands, tense up or make comments like "please don't touch me", get a clue.

-do not answer the telephone.  It is not your home.  If a friend or family member of your child who you DO NOT KNOW calls and asks to talk to you,  make it brief.  Having a 2 hour conversation where you dissect your child's entire life is not okay.  Seriously, if they wanted you to know each other, they would have introduced you.  If you do feel compelled to have a conversation to 'get to know' each other, talking about your children's background, life choices and current opinion is not okay.  If your child wanted to share their fucked up childhood, which you have blissfully glossed over, with their in-laws, they would already have done so.  

-do not assume that you are your child's friend just because they call once a week and invite you for a visit.  You probably just did a damn good job of instilling guilt when they were younger.

Final note to self:  Before planning a visit, get to know your child.  If they have a strong sense of personal space or need for privacy, get a hotel.  In fact, get a hotel anyway.  You can always cancel the rest of your reservation if they really want you to stay at their house.

Good idea- bad idea

Good idea:  Fire stations offering free carseat inspections to families to ensure child safety

Bad idea:  Letting self-righteous firefighter/volunteer "Certified Carseat Inspection Experts" make parents who are trying to do the right thing feel like crap.  I am aware our carseat is not barnd new.  It was a hand-me-down from a family member and I know its history.  It is not that old, less than the 10 years listed by the manufacturer - shouldn't have to SIGN a form agreeing to purchase a new carseat.  Would I recommend your service to others?  Hell no, I think expectant parents are anxious enough without judgement. 

I wonder how they treat the family who rolls up with a couple new-to-them carseats in a banged up car? 

Oh, and the lecture about not forgetting to drop your kid off at daycare, that 20 kids die every year from that type of neglect?  Really?  Do our professional dress work clothes scream drug-addled idiots?  I understand what you are trying to do, but you'll make more of a difference if you approach it from a helping standpoint rather than a high-handed you-will-probably-be-a-bad-parent-unlike-me-I-am-super-awesome one.  I think anyone who comes in to your little clinic shuld be given kudos for taking steps toward child safety, not insults.

You suck Corvallis Fire Department.  I am not buying a new infant carseat, (I'll have to buy a toddler one in a year anyway) and if I did, I definitely would not be bringing it to YOU to check.   

The "final" date night

Last night Mike and I went out on a date.  We don't do it much, as evidenced by Lawrence's shock and dismay that he would not be accompanying us.  We saw  "What to expect when you are expecting", which from the previews looked to be a romantic comedy about the funny side of becoming parents.  It had its funny moments, but it was largely a serious movie about relationships and how they are impacted by pregnancy/expecting a baby.  Movie fail, if anything the birth scenes were absolutely terrifying.  The c-section mama lost consciousness on the table and you are left with the husband in the hallway in tears.  She was okay, but that hit a little too close to home when we are scheduled in 9 days.

So to lighten up, or try to, afterwards we went shopping.  Mike was seriously dismayed at the cost of baby stuff, luckily we were given all the big items and clothes by his sister whose son is almost 1, otherwise our gear would be much more limited.  He picked out some cute bibs, and camo pacifiers (I had to just let this go, I hate them, but I did make it clear that about 6 months is my upper limit for kid's using them...)  I got some baby medicines (gas drops, diaper rash ointment, etc) and a nursing nightgown, and hangars.  We are fairly lame.  :)

And we headed home.  It is likely the last time we will be out, just the two of us, until after Ellsworth is here.  My countdown clock is in single digits. 

Off-topic - Most recent concern:  my fingers have gone numb from swelling in my wrists and I can't grip things or close my hands into fists.  I have to type with the 2 fingers on my left hand that still work well.  I'm nervous about holding the baby safely.  :( 

A moment of silence

Lawrence is sleeping.  Mike is away.

Just me and the garden hose, admiring my tomatoes and flowers.

The hammock calls, the chores can wait.

Happy Saturday!

Seriously close...

My countdown timer says 17 days.  Ack!

I'm really feeling these last few weeks of pregnancy.  I was very lucky with Lawrence and never had much swelling, and I am paying for it by having at least double-duty swelling this time.  My legs are the same size from the knees down and then suddenly toes appear!  It's freakish.

Other than that I am okay. I've lost all faith in my OB, so that is discouraging but in a month I never have to see her again so, oh well.  She is just very quick to prescribe drugs without really exploring what is wrong.  I am proud to say I am have zero medications, even OTC, this entire pregnancy and plan to tough out the aches, pains, swelling and headaches without dumping tylenol or benadryl on them (which I doubt would work anyway...)

The house and projects need to get some attention this weekend. Mike will be down at his dad's house so I'm hoping I can be motivated and not just lay about with my feet elevated as I suspect I will be tempted to.

On another countdown, and one I am more excited about - 11 days left of work!

My bling

I can't actually wear them right now, but aren't they beautiful?  Mike has a simple Tungstun band, it feels really heavy and looks great on him. :)

Yesterday I got married

and it was a perfect day  :)

We didn't have a "ceremony" exactly, the actual wedding was just signing the license to make it official.  The wedding day, on the other hand, had a lot of pieces.

I got up and made breakfast for my men, red-white-and-blue pancakes.  We ate together and had a relaxed morning with no stress.  I tried on a couple things and Mike said he liked a sundress so we headed out.  After a short visit with a friend and some signatures, Mike and I left Lawrence and had ourselves a date-day.

We actually started with a nap!  It was wonderful to sleep without worrying about anything, in a completely quiet house, with no alarms.  Later we had dinner at Red Lobster which was delicious and again fun to do as just a couple.  We had plenty of time to just talk and relax.

Add in some ice cream and a non-PG movie in the living room before bed and it was very reminiscent of our early dating days, before work and school and pregnancy started demanding so much time.  I can't imagine a better way to celebrate making our commitment official.

Cannot wait for maternity leave

That's all.  Just tired and out of patience today, faking niceness.

Deep breath

Well, tomorrow it will be exactly 5 weeks until our new little man comes out to meet us. The math geek in me thinks "I am 7/8 of the way done" and the mom in me pictures a pizza with only 1/8 left and knows that is not nearly enough...




On the one hand I am terribly excited. It is going to be wonderful to have 3 full months home with Ellsworth and Lawrence, the first 7 weeks of which Mike will also be on vacation. I'm really looking forward to family time in our little country home.




On the other hand, I am terrified. Partially just with the magnitude of "stuff" I want to get done before he arrives (sorting, cooking, preparing, shopping, cleaning, etc), a good chunk with feeling the how-in-the-hell-are-we-going-to-afford-everything, and the rest with outright terror of the hospital. I am also worried. We are the final weeks until arrival and I worry that I am not as excited as I should be. I am worried that I have become old and set in my ways, and hope I will get the same level of bonding I did with Lawrence. I'm not sure if it's because I don't have a separate nursery to go sit in, or if because Mike and I haven't really talked about parenting (I know, we need to...) or the lack of a baby-prep class or what, but I'm having a hard time picturing our lives with baby beyond the idyllic sitting on a porch swing watching the sunset to nurse...




I don't know why my brain is giving me such trouble. Maybe because this pregnancy has been mentally exhausting. It seemed every week in the first and second trimester the doctor was worried about something serious and requested more and more testing and specialists and rest. In the end everything with baby is fine, and they won't know if everything is fine with me until delivery, so I'm done worrying about what "might" need to happen after baby is born. Physically, it's really been pretty good. No morning sickness, only light fatigue, few stretch marks so far. My hips and ribs are full of complaints, but I am still walking (waddling only rarely), working and generally getting through normal days which I am very thankful for.




I'm hoping as I cross items off my to-do list and wind down projects at work I'll start to feel more connected to the 'realness' of Ellsworth in my arms in just 35 more days.

My version of nesting

Pregnant women and pregnancy books talk about nesting.  The insane energy burst to accomplish cleaning and organizing and beautifying your home before baby.

I don't think I have the nesting gene.  I still have the same set of projects I would love to see done with no energy to work on them really.

There is a bright spot though, Mike's work in the backyard.  He has taken my little requests and gone over-the-top to make our backyard awesome.  First, my raised garden bed, which rocks:

Then, a custom built picnic table so it is sturdy and the bench height is appropriate for those of us taller than 5'0".  Last night he added these great rocks to create our backyard fire ring (s'mores!) and set up the badminton net, which although I am horrible at was a lot of fun.

I can see myself, Lawrence and Ellsworth hanging out in the backyard this summer/fall when I am not working and I am so excited to have such a beautiful sanctuary.  I guess my nesting just takes place outside the house, and with someone else doing most of the work....

Having kids is awesome

As I was about to walk out the door this morning I noticed a stain on my shirt.  WHAT?  I had a banana and water, how did I stain my shirt?  No time (or energy) to change, I slapped a sticker over it.  Because I have kids, no one questions a sticker. 

Yes I did

just frost the bottom of a cupcake because I ran out of frosting before I ran out of cake. 

Proof I am lame

So, I am super excited.  I found the one and only baby item that I really wanted to have used and am picking it up on Saturday.  How sad is it that?  Mike calls it a cage, but I just like how it looks and think it will be great for camping this fall. The top comes off, like a tent rain fly.

The reason I am such a geek is that I saw this months ago, wanted one, and then found out that they don't sell it in the US  (probably looks too much like a cage...).  They do sell it in Canada, but luckily I only have to go as far as Portland to pick it up.  I'm meeting someone from Washington at the Lego Brick Convention in Portland on Saturday.  That's right, for my weekend off work I am looking at Legos and picking up baby gear.  Lame.

The significance of 10 weeks

So, yesterday marked the "30 weeks" milestone for our little boy. Which means I only have 9 weeks to go if my scheduled "C" goes forward, maximum of 10 if some ultrasound miracle occurs.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

10 weeks is the length of an academic term at OSU.  I know what 10 weeks feels like.  It goes FAST.  One day you can think "ah, week 3, I've got plenty of time" and somehow the next day it is freaking finals.   I feel like I'm going to be thinking "oh, I've got plenty of time" the night before I go into labor.

Plus, I am terrified of the hospital.  I know I have to be there.  We've already had too many issues to consider anything other than surgical help on hand, but I get a little panicky just thinking about going back into the maternity ward.  I took a tour and things are really different now compared to a decade-plus ago when I had Lawrence, but I'm still nervous. (understatement)

I need to start making a list I think.  Lists always make me feel better, even if they are long and completely unrealistic.

what's in a name?

We may have a name for our little boy.  We are in the "trying it out" stage where we are using the name to refer to the baby.  Up until this point we had been calling it Kingsley, since that was a name we KNEW we were not going to use.

The problem is that everyone who has heard it so far hates it. 

Ellsworth Loren Harper.    Loren is Mike's and his dad's middle name, so we have known  that piece for awhile.  ANd much to Lawrence's dismay, the baby's last name will be Harper  (Lawrence thinks we need more Winowieckis in the world....)

So it was just the first name we were struggling with.  Ellsworth is another male family name in Mike's family.  I like it.  It's old fashioned and not "in style" right now so there won't be six Ellsworths in his class, but its not so bizarre and made-up that no one will know how to pronounce it.

I've almost got Lawrence on board by saying he can be "Big L" and the baby can be "Little Ell"...

Is it really that horrible of a name?  Is it mean to give a kid an old-fashioned family name instead of something more trendy?

Sigh, I wish I could just call him "baby Harper" until he was 3 and then decide based on his personality.

Sex education without a social filter

Lawrence is currently in the "health education" unit of 5th grade.  Each day he comes home saying the day was great, no details, BUT then at some point in the evening poses a question or makes a statement that helps me know what they are covering....

-"I hope I never have a wet dream.  I don't want to have sperm in my bed."
-"I hope my baby brother gets taken out through your stomach, and not the weird way"  (they watched a video!  amazingly, it was the amount of hair on a woman that creeped him out on vaginal delivery...)
-"Now I get why you bleed on those cottons."
-"Where does the pee come from for a girl?"   The discussion that followed made him decide that girls were weirder than ever since they have "three openings".

For the most part he doesn't seem to want to "talk" or have too many questions, he is just disgusted by the whole process.  He did suggest that if he did ever have to suffer the indignity of a wet dream, maybe he should get a special reward, like a welcome to puberty gift or something.  Any excuse is a good time to angle for legos!

Last night I told Mike he was welcome to jump in anytime and help, I mean, what do I REALLY know about wet dreams besides what I learned back in 6th grade sex ed??  He calmly responded that he was fine and as far as he was concerned everything that had been brought up so far was on his list of things-I-never-want-to-discuss-with-my-parents.  I'm glad Lawrence feels comfortable talking about it, I never did (and still don't but I'm trying!) but I suspect it has less to do with an environment of trust and respect and more with a lack of awareness of awkward subjects.

Going off half-packed

Sigh.  Today I began unpacking.

Being organized and proactive definitely did NOT pay off!  Now, granted, I only had about 15 boxes packed - which in the scheme of the whole house is nothing.  However, I had already gone into mental "moving" mode.

Moving mode is where I let little things slide.  Why bother dusting?  Once the house is all packed we'll scrub the walls.  Why continue my spring cleaning goal of decluttering and organizine one drawer or cupboard a week?  Soon it will all get unceremoniously dumped into boxes.

But now, we are NOT moving.  Mike did a complete 180 and we are staying at OSU.  I still don't fully understand his reasons, but as long as he is happy I am just being as flexible as possible. 

So, today I unpacked 8 boxes.  Set up the bookshelf again, set up the bassinet in the bedroom and put a few of the million hand-me-down clothes we were gifted into drawers. 

Sounds good right?  No, bad.  Now there are full boxes, and empty boxes, and piles of stuff I didn't deal with before because I was waiting to put it into boxes.  Sigh.  I worked all day and the house still looks like a tornado rolled through.

A 100 day plan

Today I attended a training about 100 day plans and the value of "working out loud" with another person.  I convinced Mike to come along as my partner and really enjoyed having him in a situation where he was forced to listen and be serious.

During the exercise we were supposed to set goals and action items in all areas of our life for the next 100 days  .  Baby Harper is expected in only 92 days.  Looking at the wealth of items I expect to get done before then was fairly terrifying.

Run, Lawrence, Run

Lawrence is doing track through the Boys and Girls Club.  We stopped doing karate back in January and it was time to get Lawrence up and moving again.  He is actually enjoying it, which is an added bonus since I think he only picked the sport "track" because we had never heard of a team for elementary school kids.  Mom found one though, so operation sit-on-my-butt-playing-video-games was foiled.

He has been running the 400 and 200.  He has a meet every weekend and has steadily gotten better, which has been exciting for him.  He ran the 200 in 40 seconds this week and for the first time wasn't last in his heat.  Unfortunately, track ends in 6 days.  Hopefully he can continue training with Mike a couple days a week because I'm not quite in running shape right now.  Maybe I could use a scooter on the track....

'century' mark

Today marks 100 days until the predicted arrival of our little boy.  If the doctors have their way he'll arrive a bit sooner through surgical methods, but I am celebrating my hundred days of expectation anyway.

I am currently in the awkward waiting phase.  We aren't starting to move for 6 weeks, but I am so ready to DO something, and packing would definitely be something!  I've already packed up 12 boxes, that was all the cases of paper my office has ordered this month  :)   Next stage is whining until Mike builds me a couple of wooden crates to pack all my china and fragile nick-nacks in to prepare for three years of storage.  I know it makes me a weirdo, but I long to see our house empty save a pile of boxes in the living room.

Even more I am ready to see the bassinet out of plastic and set up in the new apartment!  After all, the nursery is never quite so beautiful or perfect AFTER there is a baby in it.

Sunshine and laundry

Today is beautiful out!  Hallelujah, summer may actually be on its way.  Or at least spring.  Amazingly, I also had energy today - - double miracle!

My favorite thing about spring/summer is hanging laundry on the line. Seriously.  Nothing gives me such a content feeling as a clothesline full of clothes blowing in the breeze.  Plus, I get my badly needed sunshine vitamins.

I spent the morning at a track meet for Lawrence and even though he isn't winning any ribbons, he did improve his 400m time and seems to genuinely enjoying it.  It is nice to see him outdoors and exercising, totally out of his preferred indoor plugged in environment.  In true Lawrence fashion, he refuses to do the field events because of the dirt factor (jump into SAND, throw a ball that just landed in the DIRT, or jump onto the high jump pad which is very DUSTY).  At least his track uniforms are way easier to clean, and they look great hanging on my clothesline.

Overload vs. overwhelm

Went to a great training yesterday on recognizing and intervening with overload and overwhelm.

In a nutshell:

overwhlem - aware of many tasks, assign high priority to all of them, wonder where to begin, rush, rush, rush, lower work quality.  Overwhelm is a situation where organization and focus are lacking.

overload - aware of many tasks but no idea how to even start, move toward apathy and burnout.  Overload is a situation where motivation and interest are lacking.

Obviously neither is good for the workplace or for home.  My big takeaway was how the brain processes time - in overwhelm time feel like it flies, in overload it can drag.  The speaker suggested that we can re-program the way our brain approaches time and focus by starting each day with a sustained attention activity (5-20 minutes) , 20 minutes of movement or exercise, and 5 minutes quiet reflection.   My immediate thought was "I don't have time for that!" which is exactly the problem - if I can't make 30-40 minutes for myself each morning, I'm not taking care of "me".

Now time to think about if/what to do with my big thoughts :)


speakers blog is at: tararobinson.com

The joys of pregnancy

Small annoyances on the road to bringing home baby:

1.  No one wants to talk to me about anything except the pregnancy/baby (or worse, THEIR pregnancy/baby).
2.  Shaving has become difficult.
3.  Suddenly needing 12 pillows to get to sleep.
4.  Worrying that I am standing too much, or sitting too much, or sleeping too much.  Seriously can't win.
5.  Having my weight and wardrobe fit now considered appropriate topics of conversation for my co-workers.

Seriously, I do not care if you think my shirt is getting too short.  At least I can blame my chubbiness on a baby.

Which brings me to #6  - I find myself much less tolerant / quicker to flip out than usual.  Just as there are happy drunks and mean drunks, pregnancy affects moods I think.  Safe to assume I am not the happy whale, I might just use hormones as an excuse to punch the next person who tells me "how big" I am getting.

into each life a little rain must fall

had to borrow from Longfellow  :(

Called Mike to let him know that we got the townhouse he wanted close to his school for next year and he had his own news- his dad had just called to say his grandmother died.   It was totally unexpected and his dad was just there visiting a few days ago.  Everyone is taking it really hard.

I didn't get to know her well enough to be grieving myself, but I worry for Mike and his dad getting through this and how his grandfather, who is already in a nursing home, will take it.

More good news

What a week!  Mike was also accepted to Oregon State Pharmacy school (we have options!) and the genetic testing on the bug finally came back - all clear!

Feeling like a lucky girl.  Might have to bust out some song and dance with Lawrence  :)

In threes!

A couple days ago I mentioned that we had two great announcements for folks this month so far (baby, engagement) and that the third was coming.  It has come!  Mike has been accepted to Pacific University Pharmacy School!   He won't hear back from OSU until at least tomorrow, but knowing he is definitely going to start his Pharm.D. this fall is a huge stress relief!

Whoohoo!


Now that the stress of getting in somewhere has been taken care of, we can move on to the stress of moving/having a baby/starting grad school all together at the end of summer...

First of the "first" posts

Hmm, I have some fears of my blog turning into a stream of cute baby updates, but it is probably unavoidable.

Mike got to feel the baby move for the first time last night, it was very cool.  Then he talked to the belly, in baby talk, super cute.

The jig is up

Honesty time.

I've put on 11 pounds in the last 4 1/2 months.

But I'm not too upset.  I think most of it can be explained away by the weight of the engagement ring on my finger and the little 19 wk old boy inside me who craves cupcakes...

Surprise!  Double surprise!

I'll break it to work soon, maybe I can find a shirt that says "guess what?  Turns out I'm not just getting fat..."

They say good things come in threes, that must mean Mike will be getting his acceptance to pharmacy school soon!

Valentines

My mom sent Valentines to us again this year. I can tell my relationship with Mike has moved into a new place in her mind.

For the first year or so, she only sent Valnetines for me and Lawrence.

Then, it was a Valentine for Lawrence and another addressed to "Theresa and Mike".

This year, Mike got his own and it was a "Son, Happy Valentines Day" kind of thing.  It's hard to gauge his reaction, but I think he liked it, especially that she wrote "thanks for making our daughter so happy" on the inside.

I think I've got a case of the Mondays

Can I go home yet?

Lawrence does dishes

I decided that my darling (*cough* spoiled) boy needed to be doing more around the house at age 10 and decided on dishes after dinner.

He HATES getting his hands dirty.  As in, washes them after each time he makes a cookie ball before he makes the next one. Very not-stereotypical-boy.  He asked if we had rubber gloves.  Plastic gloves? How about those ones like the doctor's office?  No, no no. Do the dishes!

And then, he did.

I am so lucky to have such an amazing kid who put up about 45 seconds of questions (not even complaining) and then just added the chore to his to-do list.

:)

A good man knows that flowers are always appropriate

An awesome one knows that a bouquet of daiseys with strategically placed Cadberry Eggs on a weeknight in January will make my day  :)