First day of school

Today is Lawrence's first day of fifth grade.  Kind of the beginning of the end of elementary school.  I asked him this morning what he was most excited about and he said 'eh' and gave me a shoulder shrug.  Sigh. 

As we are walking into the building he begins with the stress - I don't know where to line up here, I don't know what the bell sounds like, where to sit at lunch, do I need a waterbottle, on and on.........I swear he does not need to breathe once the worry takes over.

We took a moment to talk about how his teacher said they would take a school tour and how he could ask any questions he had.  Then I asked where he should go until the bell rang while he hid behind me.  He said he'd be okay once he had the schedule and bravely walked into the gym.

Supposedly this is the last year of public school for him for awhile.  I have said ever since I had to enroll him in kindergarten so I could work that I would never send him to middle school, that somehow I would homeschool by then.  I mean really, did ANYONE have a good experience?

And now it is so close and I still have no plan.  I mean, I have an idealistic plan, where I convince my supervisors that they should let me work from home part time.  I work in the mornings and evenings and homeschool in the afternoons.  I even have a backup plan where I somehow just go down to part-time employment, although the loss of insurance and pay is fairly terrifying.  But these aren't true plans.  Things I have really 'planned' are extensively written and scheduled, with deadlines and tasks to accomplish.  My supposed plan for being in full homeschool mode 12 months from now is really more of a dream, and one I am very worried I cannot make come true.

It always comes down to money.  Yes, we could do without telephones and cable and maybe even internet (although living 20 miles from the library, maybe not, especially if school would be largely at home...) but we can't live without paying the rent or eating or having electricity or a car (again, 20 miles from town).  If I'm not working, who pays the bills?

I don't have a good answer, and so the plan is as of yet unplanned.