A rough day

I am maybe a crappy parent.  At the very least I am suffering from crappy-parent-itis at the moment.

I spent most of today sitting on the couch wondering what on earth I was thinking having another child.  Thinking and researching infant eye-tracking, hereditary strabismus and local specialists in infant vision therapies.  Mike has voiced his concern that our little guy's eyes are super independent and I am crazy anxious for the 4 month mark when we can have him tested.  I just don't want him to go through what I have gone through with surgeries and glasses, but to Mike it represents more.  No depth perception - no baseball, more challenges hunting and who knows what else that I didn't hear him talk to Ell about.  I know infants can have crazy eyes, so I should just relax and wait.  Curse the internet.

Now I've spent the evening trying to convince my older boy to sleep.  We are trying to get back on a school routine and failing spectacularly.  He is fixated on that Aaron Burr "Got Milk" commercial.  He finds it the saddest commercial ever.  Thinking about it makes him cry.  And for some reason at night when it's time to sleep, alone, in his own bed, he lays there awake for hours crying and when I ask him what is wrong it is just "thinking about sad things, like that peanut butter commercial."

I've tried explaining that it was meant to be funny.  More tears for that poor, poor man.  The fact that he is an actor in a commercial...irrelevant. http://www.spike.com/video-clips/esr7ah/got-milk-commercial-aaron-burr 

Maybe I just have crappy genes.  I love my kids but I wonder about raising children in a society that may see them as less than perfect.  I want to just keep everyone home together forever, including me.  People in general suck.